Audiences Needn't Abide This Drivel
By Lisa Miller
LAW ABIDING CITIZEN (2009)
*1/2
Directed by F. Gary Gray
Starring Jamie Foxx, Gerard Butler, Bruce McGill, Leslie Bibb, Colm Meaney, Viola Davis, Regina Hall, Michael Irby
Overture Films-Rated R-Thriller-108 min
The preposterous movie, "Law Abiding Citizen," bills itself as a thriller, a category it qualifies for if you count sadistic murders as thrilling. Serving as a motive for these killings is an imperfect judicial system that happens to have disappointed the wrong guy.
Gerard Butler, an actor blessed with the physique of an ox and face of a chipmunk, portrays Clyde Shelton, a man seemingly broken after watching a pair of home invaders rape and kill his wife and young daughter. Against Shelton's wishes and in an effort to maintain his 96% conviction rate, Assistant District Attorney Nick Rice (Jamie Foxx) makes a deal giving one perpetrator a short prison sentence in exchange for testifying against the other perpetrator.
Rice, smug in the belief he has satisfied his oath of office while simultaneously serving his own interest, doesn't know that Shelton possesses the rage, skills and long fuse necessary to punish Rice and everyone else connected with the deal.
Fast forward 10 years to the botched execution of the killer sent to death row by Rice's deal. The ADA is annoyed that someone has circumvented the system. Since Shelton is the prime suspect, Rice's assistant Sarah (Leslie Bibb) is looking into Shelton's background when the second killer, freed by Rice's deal, is found horrifically murdered in a warehouse owned by Shelton.
Though Shelton sets up and carries out this killing in person and onscreen, we learn that he is a wealthy government contractor who has made his money by designing devices to carry out assassinations from a afar. This becomes an important plot point when Shelton, arrested and incarcerated, continues his killing spree from behind bars. Shelton promises Rice that his retribution against what he believes is corrupt deal-making, is "gonna be Biblical." In carrying out the threat, the film leaves no one alive that we care about. Whether or not Rice learns the lesson Shelton intends to teach him, both the legal system and the world would be better places without either of these men mucking around in them, and the movies would better off without pointless revenge fantasies that make little effort to entertain us.
Saw VI (2009)
* * (Grade C)
Directed by Kevin Greutert
Starring Tobin Bell, Costas Mandylor, Mark Rolston
Lionsgate-Rated R-Horror-90 min
Kevin Greutert, editor of the "Saw" films, ascends to the director's chair for this sixth installment. A rumor leaked by Lionsgate, has Cary Elwes returning to the franchise as the memorable character forced to saw off his own foot in the first film -- now seeking good old fashioned revenge. As before, diabolical puzzles compel the unwitting to either kill their companions, or harm themselves in order to escape Jigsaw's (Bell) diabolical death machines. Whether detective Hoffman (Mandylor) is or isn't responsible for Jigsaw's continuing murderous mayhem, the "Saw" films remain enviable profit generators for Lionsgate.
Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant (2009)
* * (Grade C)
Directed by Paul Weitz
Starring Chris Massoglia, John C. Reilly, Salma Hayek, Josh Hutcherson, Ray Stevenson, Willem Dafoe
Universal Pictures-Rated PG-13-Horror-108 min
Teen boys Steve (Hutcherson) and Darren (Massoglia), attend a traveling freak show featuring vampires and werewolves. After gawking in admiration, the boys are turned into vampires and forced to choose which of two competing factions they will be part of. One vampire group coexists peacefully with humans while the other group, calling themselves the vampaneze, is violent and dangerous. Adapted from the 12-book series by Darren Shan, the story centers around the boys' efforts to come of age even as vampires. Awash in blues and grays, the film's coveted PG-13 rating is designed to start a new supernatural franchise for teens. However, the adaptation is all set up and little pay off -- withholding the instant gratification sought by the younger set.
Astro Boy (2009)
* * * (Grade B)
Directed by David Bowers
Voices of Freddie Highmore, Nicolas Cage, Kristen Bell, Charlize Theron, Donald Sutherland, Nathan Lane, Eugene Levy, Matt Lucas, Bill Nighy, Samuel L. Jackson
Summit Entertainment-Rated PG-Animated-94 min
Following the tragic loss of his only son, scientist Dr. Tenma (Cage) creates weaponized robot tyke Astro as a replacement, before realizing that a robot is no substitute for a real boy. Abandoned in Metro City, a futuristic metropolis run by cyborgs programmed to serve human interests, Astro keeps company with a band of orphans that scavenge scrap metal for a living. Astro and his new friends are soon drawn into a battle with supervillain President Stone (Sutherland) and his robot minions. The film, which receives points for streamlined storytelling and action even adults can follow, is a hybrid of Asian anime and contemporary American computer animation that has a pleasant, uncluttered style.
The Stepfather (2009)
*1/2 (Grade C-)
Directed by Nelson McCormick
Starring Dylan Walsh, Sela Ward, Penn Badgley, Amber Heard, Jon Tenney, Sherry Stringfield, Paige Turco
Screen Gems-Rated PG-13-Horror-101 min
When Michael (Badgley) returns home from military school, he finds his newly divorced mother (Ward) living with David (Walsh), a handsome, but inappropriately behaving suitor. David's ambiguous stories motivate Michael to investigate David's past, turning up evidence that his mother's boyfriend could be a killer. If you want to be surprised then don't watch the trailer and by all means avoid the 1987 original. What we do know is that Sela Ward's characters come across as sharp and capable, so for David's sake, he'd better not be lying.
Where The Wild Things Are (2009)
* * *(Grade B)
Directed by Spike Jonze
Starring Max Records, Catherine O'Hara, Catherine Keener, Mark Ruffalo, Michael Berry Jr., Paul Dano, Tom Noonan
Voiced by Lauren Ambrose, James Gandolfini, Forest Whitaker
Warner-Rated PG-Fantasy-93 min
Max (Records), a lonely little boy, behaves mischievously and is sent to bed without dinner by his overtaxed single mother (Keener). In the privacy of his room Max magically sails away to a land filled with monstrous wild things. These strange creatures play and fight like children, but their large size means they can be extremely destructive. Using his own wild and wooly imagination, director Spike Jonze stretches Maurice Sendak's 20-page, 10-sentence children's book into a 90-minute film. Though thinly plotted, the film adaptation is both frightening and mesmerizing.
Couples Retreat (2009)
* (Grade D)
Directed by Peter Billingsley
Starring Vince Vaughn, Malin Akerman, Jon Favreau, Faizon Love, Jason Bateman, Kristen Bell, Kristin Davis, Peter Serafinowicz, Jean Reno, Kali Hawk, Carlos Ponce
Universal-Rated PG-13-Comedy-107 min
Three happily married couples support their divorce-bound friends, Jason (Bateman) and Cynthia (Bell), by joining them for a couples-only retreat on a tropical island. Once there, all couples are forced into invasive therapy that quickly lands even each coupling on the rocks. While some of the men plot to visit a "singles only" resort, the women find at least one man to ogle. Enough pain -- if it were deftly handled -- to fuel 10 comedies -- but there's so little love between these couples that you won't notice when it's gone or magically reappears.
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